Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #145 · 2026-10-23

Hana Bellhouse
of Garrowby Holdings

a certificate confirming a pantry shelf is properly registered · certification

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 145: Hana Bellhouse of Garrowby Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew in writing

“Bernard raised no objection to the certificate, only to its possible shininess; the caller lost his place and left by post.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Hana Bellhouse Hi, sorry to bother you, this is Hana Bellhouse from Garrowby Holdings. I'm calling about the pantry shelf in your household, if that's alright?
Bernard Oh, the pantry shelf, yes — well, you've caught me in the middle of something, but carry on. Is this about the one that wobbles, or have I got the wrong shelf entirely?
Hana Bellhouse Sorry, that's fine, thank you for saying carry on. The shelf can be certified as properly registered, which just confirms it's, well, registered and proper, really.
Bernard Properly registered. Now that sounds very good of you. Would that be a certificate I could put up somewhere, or is it more the sort of thing you keep in a drawer?
Hana Bellhouse It's a certificate you can display, sorry, I should have said. And the good part is the shelf already qualifies, so there's nothing to pay to earn it.
Bernard Nothing to pay, you say. Well, I'd have to think about it — oh, wait, I've got the clock in the hall four minutes fast and it's throwing me right off. Where would one display a thing like that?
Hana Bellhouse I'll be quick, just to confirm, shall I post the certificate out to you today?
Bernard Post it today, well — I'm very interested, I really am. But would it come in green? Only the bird's taken against anything too shiny, and I'd hate a falling out.
Hana Bellhouse You know what, I've rather lost my place, and I don't think I'm doing this well over the phone. I'll put it all in writing and send it to you instead.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I thought you were doing very nicely. I was very interested, so I'll let you go — mind the traffic on the way home, won't you.
Hana Bellhouse I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the household with the pantry shelf.
  2. Explain the shelf can be certified as properly registered, stating the obvious.
  3. Reassure them the shelf already qualifies, so the certificate costs nothing to earn.
  4. Ask for the yes to post the certificate today.

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