Call #143 · 2026-10-23
Callum Mbeki
of Rangi Glazing Ltd
a membership with no refunds and no savings · membership
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, squirrel on feeder
“Caller blamed the line; Bernard offered him the bird's colour preference and a safe trip home.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Callum Mbeki
Mbeki, Rangi Glazing. Ringing because I need one minute of the owner's time — that you?
Bernard
Oh, hello there. Well, I'm the owner of this house, if that's any use to you. Are you warm enough where you're sitting?
Callum Mbeki
The membership gives you prestige, that's the whole offer — no savings, no refunds. And yes, warm as toast, thanks.
Bernard
Prestige, right you are. Does it come in green, at all? I only ask because the front room's got a bird in it and she's particular about colours.
Callum Mbeki
And there's another one gone, Bernard — none of that matters, the giving of nothing is the whole offer.
Bernard
Ah, now that's clever. Nothing to feed, nothing to fuss over — I like the sound of that. What was the name of the membership again?
Callum Mbeki
It's a Rangi Glazing membership, that's the name. So shall I put you down for it today?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it — I'm not quick with things like this. Hold on, there's a squirrel on my feeder making a proper nuisance of himself.
Callum Mbeki
That's the line playing up, that and the hour, so I'm going to stop here — sorry, Bernard, we're getting nowhere. Bye now.
Bernard
I'm sorry to hear that, I really am. I was very interested, mind. You take care on the way home.
Callum Mbeki
I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming you have Rangi Glazing's owner on the line.
- Explain the membership confers prestige only, no savings, no refunds.
- Dismiss the objection that it confers nothing by calling that the point.
- Ask for the yes: enrol Rangi Glazing in the membership today.
Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →