Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #142 · 2026-10-23

Niamh Chaudhry
of The Garrowby Trust

a monthly boiler service that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
61%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 142: Niamh Chaudhry of The Garrowby Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no agreement, caller rang back on his own initiative

“Bernard offered the caller a spare key and asked whether the engineer would mind if he wasn't dressed; nothing was sold, and the caller ended it himself.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Niamh Chaudhry Niamh Chaudhry, The Garrowby Trust. I'm calling about your boiler, Bernard — and I'll be quick, because this is genuinely good news.
Bernard Oh, is it raining where you are? I've been peering at a cracked pane all morning, so I'm tuned to the damp. But go on, dear, you said good news.
Niamh Chaudhry Raining sideways here, Bernard. The monthly service visit just happens on its own, and you never lift a finger to arrange it.
Bernard Turns up on its own, does it? Like the milk used to. And does it want anything from me, or do I leave a key out?
Niamh Chaudhry You leave nothing out, Bernard — that's the beauty. Nobody's asking you to sign up for anything; think of it as a safeguard sitting quietly in the background, not a charge creeping onto anything.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, and I'm very interested, now what was it again? A safeguard, you said. There's a spare in the box by the door, if your man needs one.
Niamh Chaudhry That's exactly the spirit, Bernard. So the engineer calling next month — is that going to work for you?
Bernard Next month, you say. I'd have to think about it, because I'm never sure whose turn it is to have everyone at Christmas — no, that's wrong, it's mine this year. Would the engineer mind terribly if I wasn't quite dressed?
Niamh Chaudhry Honestly, Bernard, I've done this all morning and you're the only one who's asked me that. It's fine — I'll ring you back another day and we'll sort it then.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, dear, and I was very interested, truly. You mind the sideways rain on the way home now.
Niamh Chaudhry I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by saying you're calling from the Trust about their boiler.
  2. Explain a monthly service call arrives automatically, as a courtesy.
  3. Address the objection that nobody asked: frame it as a safeguard, not a charge.
  4. Ask them to confirm the engineer can call next month.

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