Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #140 · 2026-10-23

Lorraine Whitlock
of Hollins and Sons, est. 1948

a replacement for a loft ladder that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 140: Lorraine Whitlock of Hollins and Sons, est. 1948, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit; caller closed own file

“Caller identified as team leader of four days; Bernard congratulated her, asked after the oak, and referred her to a bird for a second opinion.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Lorraine Whitlock Good afternoon, Lorraine Whitlock here, Hollins and Sons, established 1948. We're ringing about the loft ladder — just wondering how long it's been serving you.
Bernard Well, hello there. Serving me? It's been up there since before my knees started complaining, I couldn't put a year on it. And is this a selling call, or are you asking? Only I like to know which hat you've got on.
Lorraine Whitlock Ha, well, I'm new to the team leader's chair as of Monday, so the whole floor's with me on this. And to answer your question — it's a forward-looking upgrade rather than any sort of repair, that's the hat.
Bernard Oh, team leader as of Monday! Well, congratulations, that's very good of you. Forward-looking, yes. Would it come in that dark oak, do you think? Only the stairs are oak, and I'd not want it showing off.
Lorraine Whitlock Thank you, that's kind — and oak, we can look at oak. I'll be quick, though: I know the current one works away fine up there, but there's a wear in a ladder that nobody ever sees until it matters.
Bernard Well, that's a thought, isn't it. Nobody sees it, you say. Mind you, the back step out here is lower than it looks and I've not fallen yet. What sort of wear are we talking about — the rungs, or the bit that folds?
Lorraine Whitlock It's the rungs and the folding hinge both, in the fittings — and we'd rather get ahead of it than chase it. So just to get you booked, could we put a fitting date in the diary for you?
Bernard Oh, a date in the diary. Now then, I'd have to look at the diary, and it's in the hall somewhere. Would they want tea when they come? I always think a fitter works better for a cup.
Lorraine Whitlock Fair enough, they'd appreciate the tea. So — could we go ahead and get a fitter out to you for the new ladder?
Bernard I'm very interested, truly, but I'd have to have a proper think and look at the book in the hall first, and my glasses are in the front room with the bird. She'd take to a ladder, I shouldn't wonder.
Lorraine Whitlock Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking after the old loft ladder and how long it's served them.
  2. Explain the replacement ladder as a forward-looking upgrade, not a repair.
  3. Acknowledge the current ladder works, then stress the wear nobody sees.
  4. Ask Lorraine to approve a fitting date for the replacement ladder.

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