Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #132 · 2026-10-23

Tomasz Trask
of Lomax Guttering

a twice a year, whether or not boiler service that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 132: Tomasz Trask of Lomax Guttering, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller stood down

“Caller forecast his own ending and was correct; Bernard offered him safe passage home.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Tomasz Trask Hello there, it's Tomasz Trask from Lomax Guttering, and I'm calling as a courtesy about your boiler.
Bernard Oh, hello, Tomasz. Are you warm enough where you're sitting? Because I've been sitting here quite comfortable and then the sun goes in and it's a different story altogether, isn't it. Boiler, you said?
Tomasz Trask I'm perfectly warm, Bernard, thank you for asking. Now the boiler service with Lomax Guttering runs twice a year, and it arrives unbidden — whether or not you think it's needed.
Bernard Twice a year, right. Now, unbidden — does that mean it comes to the door, or does it just happen? Because the drain by my gate gurgles away whether I ask it to or not, and I've never once had to do a thing about it.
Tomasz Trask Coming to the door, Bernard, that's the arrangement. And here's the beauty of it — it's a courtesy, so there's nothing to request and nothing for you to do at all.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you, nothing to do suits me down to the ground. So I just carry on as I am and one day there's a knock. Would it be early, do you think? Only I'm not quick to the door of a morning.
Tomasz Trask Early is exactly when you'd want it, Bernard. So let's just get the yes on record for that next unannounced visit — I'll take that as read unless you say otherwise.
Bernard Oh, now, hold on, I'd have to think about it. Not the visit, the word — unannounced. I thought you said unbuttoned and I was wondering what on earth the boiler would be wearing. Mind, my nephew's a plumber. Or is it the other one.
Tomasz Trask Hold that thought, Bernard — I've been on this call eleven minutes and I know exactly how it ends. The boiler service isn't happening with you today, and that's alright.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear it. I was very interested, truly. You take care on the way back.
Tomasz Trask Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself as Tomasz Trask of Lomax Guttering, calling as a courtesy.
  2. Explain the twice-yearly boiler service arrives unbidden, whether or not needed.
  3. Pre-empt objection: it is a courtesy, no request required, so no action needed.
  4. Ask him to confirm the yes for the next unannounced visit.

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