Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #133 · 2026-10-23

Sylvia Pinnock
of Bramblehyde Domestic Bureau

an annual inspection of a pantry shelf you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
4%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no shelf, caller self-terminated

“Caller offered to escalate the shelf as a kindness; Bernard offered sympathy for the caller's lost sentence. Neither offer was taken up.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Sylvia Pinnock Good afternoon, Sylvia Pinnock here, Bramblehyde Domestic Bureau, and we're ringing about your annual pantry shelf inspection. We've just made me team leader, so the whole floor's behind this one.
Bernard Oh good afternoon to you, Sylvia, and congratulations on the team leading — that's lovely news. Pantry shelf, did you say? Now then, I'm just in the airing cupboard, so I'm a bit muffled, but I'm very interested. What was it again?
Sylvia Pinnock That's kind of you, Bernard. The annual pantry shelf inspection covers one shelf you've never used — we assess it, record it, and file it. The whole floor's behind this one.
Bernard A shelf I've never used, well that's thorough. And it'd need feeding, would it, this shelf? Only I'm out at the gate most mornings and I'd forget.
Sylvia Pinnock We don't feed shelves, Bernard, that's not in the scope. Our register lists the shelf, so if you can't locate it, we can escalate — and we'd do that as a kindness.
Bernard Oh, a register, well that settles it. I've a boiler that clicks itself awake at night, so a shelf that's shy about being found is nothing. Yes, I'm very interested — go on, book it in.
Sylvia Pinnock That's great news. So just to confirm, we'll book this year's inspection of the undiscoverable shelf — can I say yes to that from you?
Bernard Yes, well, I'd have to think about it, but yes in principle. Only I've got a bird in the front room who'll want to know what's going on. Would it be early, or is it a teatime sort of thing?
Sylvia Pinnock We'll say yes on the shelf, then — the whole team's behind this one, and I've clean lost the run of my own sentence.
Bernard Sorry to hear that, and I was very interested indeed. Off you go and get yourself sorted, now.
Sylvia Pinnock Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the householder, speaking for the Bramblehyde Domestic Bureau.
  2. Explain the annual pantry shelf inspection covers a shelf you have never used.
  3. Address the objection that no such shelf can be located by citing the Bureau's register.
  4. Ask for the yes to book this year's inspection of the undiscoverable shelf.

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