Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #130 · 2026-10-23

Maureen Mbeki
of Prasad, Lomax and Petley Loft Boarding Partnership

an upgrade to a gatepost you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 130: Maureen Mbeki of Prasad, Lomax and Petley Loft Boarding Partnership, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit; caller escalates to colleague

“Bernard was interested, truly, and asked whether the improvement comes in the other colours; Maureen admitted she does not know what a gatepost looks like and handed him to someone else.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Maureen Mbeki Hello, sorry to bother you, this is Maureen Mbeki from Prasad, Lomax and Petley Loft Boarding Partnership. I'm ringing about a gatepost, and I'm sorry, I know that sounds odd.
Bernard Oh, don't apologize, this is lovely. A gatepost, you say? Well, I don't know that I've got one, but then I don't get round to the front garden as often as I should. Who was it owns it at the moment, normally?
Maureen Mbeki Well, that's the thing, that's exactly what I'm supposed to ask first. Your premises includes a gatepost now eligible for an upgrade, apparently.
Bernard Eligible for an upgrade, is it? Well, there's a thing. The coal scuttle's got a hole in the side, but I don't suppose that's related. And, sorry — did you say your firm does lute boarding?
Maureen Mbeki No, loft boarding, sorry — I read it too fast again. But listen, I promise nothing's been taken or changed at your end; the post is simply unregistered and unimproved.
Bernard Unregistered and unimproved — well, that sounds like half the shed. So nothing's been done, and nothing needs paying for, that's a relief. You've a lovely calm voice for this, Maureen, mind you. Would it be worth anything with the post being unimproved, do you think?
Maureen Mbeki I'm not meant to talk about what it's worth, honestly. Could you just give me a yes today so our records match the post?
Bernard Give you a yes today — well, I'd have to think about it, I'm not one to rush. Are your records very far out, then? And is it a green sort of thing, this improvement, or does it come in the other colours?
Maureen Mbeki I'm going to be honest with you, Bernard, I'm only three weeks in and I don't actually know what a gatepost looks like. I'll get someone else here to ring you about the whole business.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, I really am — and I was very interested, truly. You've been very good to ring, so off you go, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Maureen Mbeki I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and the firm, then ask who currently owns the gatepost.
  2. Say their premises includes a gatepost now eligible for an upgrade.
  3. Reassure them no action was taken; it is merely unregistered and unimproved.
  4. Ask them to approve the upgrade today so records match the post.

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