Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #124 · 2026-10-23

Priya Sandiford
of Underhill Dwelling Ltd

an upgrade to a clothesline you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 124: Priya Sandiford of Underhill Dwelling Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller withdrew to post

“Bernard offered to feed the clothesline and sent the caller home; the caller opted for the post instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Priya Sandiford Hello, Priya Sandiford here from Underhill Dwelling Ltd — we're ringing about the clothesline at your address, and I just want to check I've got the householder.
Bernard Oh, the householder, yes, that's me, Bernard. You're very clear, I'll say that for you. Now then, a clothesline, you said? My back garden's mostly pigeons and that gutter's hanging by a thread, so I'd not noticed one.
Priya Sandiford Ah, that's just it, Bernard — our records show your line already qualifies for the tension upgrade, so you're already in, as it were. The whole team here was thrilled when we saw it come up.
Bernard The whole team? Well, that's very good of them, tell them thank you. Tension upgrade — now is that a sort of codswallop, or something you actually do? There's a drawer in this kitchen full of instructions and not one of them has ever upgraded anything.
Priya Sandiford No codswallop at all, it's a genuine thing — and better yet, nothing gets installed, the line stays exactly as it is on the wall. We just need you to say yes to it this quarter.
Bernard Nothing installed, you say. So it's a bit like the drawer, then — all the paperwork and none of the doing. I'm very interested, I am, but you'll have to bear with me; what was it that's staying on the wall, exactly?
Priya Sandiford The line, Bernard, the clothesline — it stays as is, we don't touch a thing. So can we put you down as approving it for this quarter?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, I really would. Is it coming up to Easter, this quarter, or have I got that wrong? My sister does Easter, or is it Christmas — no, it's Easter. Anyway, would it want feeding, this line of mine?
Priya Sandiford Feeding — no, nothing like that, there's nothing to look after. Look, we can escalate this for you, we're happy to, but I'd just like your approval for this quarter.
Bernard Oh, don't go to any trouble on my account, I'm not worth escalating. I'm sorry to hear it's all got a bit much, though — I really was very interested, truly. You get yourself off home now, and mind the traffic.
Priya Sandiford I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they are the householder at the address.
  2. Explain their clothesline already qualifies for the tension upgrade.
  3. Reassure them no installation is needed, the line stays as is.
  4. Ask them to approve the upgrade for this quarter.

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