Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #12 · 2026-10-18

Douglas Peckham
of Wrentall Home & Hearth Advisory

an annual lint audit for tumble dryers · filter compliance

18
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, provisional Thursday, biscuit contingent

“Caller offered certificate, brush and free follow-up; prospect counter-offered tea, chocolate biscuits and a green preference.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Douglas Peckham Good afternoon! This is Douglas Peckham, regional fluff compliance officer at Wrentall Home & Hearth Advisory. Have I caught you at an awkward moment?
Bernard Oh, not at all — this is lovely, I've been sat here with the radio and Mavis has gone quiet, which she never does. Fluff compliance, you say? Now then, what's fluff when it's at home? I've got a coat with a bit of fluff on it, but I don't suppose that's it.
Douglas Peckham Ha, well, it's dryer fluff really, not coat fluff. Just to confirm, when was your tumble dryer filter last formally inspected?
Bernard Ah, a tumble dryer. I've got one of those, out in the utility with the— well, the thing, the spinny drum. Formally inspected? Only by me, and I'm not very formal about it. It'd be March, I think — no, February. My sister does it at Christmas, but that's a different matter.
Douglas Peckham Right, well, February's a fair while ago, Bernard. The audit comes with a certificate and a small brush, so you've got something proper to show for it.
Bernard A certificate and a small brush — that's very good of you. Would the brush be for the filter, or for general use? Only I've a coat that could do with one. And does it come in green? Mavis likes green, she's partial to it.
Douglas Peckham For the filter, really — and I'll note your green preference but I can't promise. The thing is, that filter may be concealing structural grief.
Bernard Structural grief. Oh dear. Is that the fluff getting down in the workings and having a bit of a mope? Poor thing. I'd not want anything grieving in my utility cupboard, not with the boiler making that noise already.
Douglas Peckham Exactly, and none of us wants a moping filter on our conscience. Still, the good news is the follow-up visit is free if the fluff recurs — so you're covered either way.
Bernard Free is a word I like the sound of. Mind you, does the follow-up chap want tea? Because I'd want to know in advance, so I can get the good biscuits in. The nice ones, the ones with the bit of chocolate on.
Douglas Peckham I'll make a note about the tea and the chocolate biscuits, Bernard, that's no trouble. So shall we say next Thursday, and I'll get you booked in for the lint audit?
Bernard Next Thursday — now let me think, is that the day Mavis has her cage done, or is that the Thursday after? No, it's the one before, I'm fairly sure. Well, I'd have to think about it, but that does sound very good of you.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself as the regional fluff compliance officer.
  2. Ask when the dryer filter was last formally inspected.
  3. Explain the audit comes with a certificate and small brush.
  4. Note the filter may be concealing structural grief.
  5. Mention the free follow-up if fluff recurs.
  6. Close by booking a slot for next Thursday.

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