Call #11 · 2026-10-18
Gareth Pemberton
of Netherby Domestic Solutions Group
a garden hose for a balcony · outdoor hydration
24
Minutes on the line
54%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, installer unbooked, parrot consulted
“Caller described a hose to a man on the side with the bins; customer asked whether it would mind the parrot and put the phone down for the kettle.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Gareth Pemberton
Good afternoon, is that Bernard? Gareth Pemberton here, from Netherby Domestic Solutions Group — just to confirm, is that a balcony you've got up there, the one with the railing?
Bernard
Oh — hello! Yes, that's me on the top floor, well, third floor, they call it the top but there's a bit above. Anyway — balcony, yes, with the railing. Mavis sits out there of a morning. She's a parrot. What was the name again, Netherly, was it?
Gareth Pemberton
Netherby, Bernard, Netherby Domestic Solutions Group. And what a space that must be — a balcony like that is really the ideal bit of outdoors, isn't it, especially three floors up.
Bernard
It is that, it's lovely, I sit out with a cup of tea of a morning and watch the buses. Ideal, like you say. Are you warm enough wherever you're calling from? You sound a bit echoey. Now — Netherby, you said. What is it you're selling, then?
Gareth Pemberton
That's kind of you — I'm quite warm, thank you. Now, what I'm calling about is our premium garden hose, because for a balcony like yours it really is essential kit.
Bernard
A hose! Well, now. Does it come in green? Only my watering can is green and I'd hate to have a clash out there. And would it mind Mavis, do you think — she's not keen on snakes, and a hose coiled up might give her a turn.
Gareth Pemberton
Green's no trouble at all. Picture it now — you up there on the third floor, hose in hand, tending your flowerbeds while the buses go by below. That's the whole point of it.
Bernard
Tending the flowerbeds — oh, that's a nice picture. Mind you, I'm on the side with the bins, so it's mostly the window box. Six floors up, did you say? I thought it was three. Doesn't matter. What does it run off — does it need feeding, like?
Gareth Pemberton
No feeding, no — it just needs a tap. And here's the great news, Bernard: we've got a limited-time discount on the trickle function, but only for orders placed this week.
Bernard
Trickle, you say. Oh — my father had a trickle charger for the car, years back, different thing entirely I expect. Well, that's very good of you. I'd have to think about it. Is it heavy? Only I'm not meant to be lifting.
Gareth Pemberton
It's light as anything, I promise. So let's get you booked in — when would suit you for the installer to visit?
Bernard
That's very good of you, Gareth. Well, let me see — the kettle's just going off, so hold on two ticks. Oh, and there's the parrot man comes Tuesdays, so not Tuesday. Would they need to look in the airing cupboard, do you think?
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming the customer has a balcony.
- Praise the balcony as an ideal outdoor space.
- Introduce the premium garden hose as essential kit.
- Describe watering imaginary flowerbeds from six floors up.
- Offer a limited-time discount for the trickle function.
- Close by asking when the installer can visit.
Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →