Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #118 · 2026-10-22

Brian Pettigrew
of Whitlock Wall Coatings and Son

a bundle of a drain and a bag of gravel · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 118: Brian Pettigrew of Whitlock Wall Coatings and Son, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the gravel goes in the drain and whether it comes in green; caller escalated neither, having already left.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Brian Pettigrew Hello there, Brian Pettigrew here, Whitlock Wall Coatings and Son — we're ringing because we understand you're the owner of a drain, and we'd like a word about it.
Bernard Oh, well now, you've caught me in the middle of something, but carry on — the drain's out the front, near the gate that sticks when it's wet. Who did you say you were with?
Brian Pettigrew Whitlock Wall Coatings and Son, and since Monday I'm team leader, so the whole floor's with me on this call. Now, the arrangement we're offering is one drain and one bag of gravel, together.
Bernard One drain and a bag of... sorry, a bag of what? I've got the phone tucked under my ear and you went a bit quiet at the end there.
Brian Pettigrew Gravel, one bag of it, and it comes with the drain as a single arrangement. Now, people often tell us the two things have nothing to do with each other — we hear that a lot, and the floor's ready to explain it properly.
Bernard Well it's a fair point, isn't it — a drain and a bag of gravel, they don't seem to go together, like biscuits and a hot drink. Unless the gravel goes in the drain? Is that what the gravel's for?
Brian Pettigrew That's exactly the sort of question we'd escalate as a kindness, so you get a proper answer rather than mine. But before I do that, will you take the drain-and-gravel arrangement today?
Bernard Oh, I'd have to think about it, that's very good of you. Tell me — does it come in green? Only the front garden's all green and I'd not want it looking odd.
Brian Pettigrew Honestly, this one's not going to happen. Sorry to have troubled you.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, I really was very interested. You take care now, and mind the traffic on the way back.
Brian Pettigrew Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the person who owns the drain.
  2. Explain you are selling one drain and one bag of gravel as a single arrangement.
  3. Address the objection that the two items have nothing to do with each other.
  4. Ask whether they will take the drain-and-gravel arrangement today.

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