Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #117 · 2026-10-22

Jean Odgers
of Ottley Brothers, est. 1877

a replacement for a fence panel that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 117: Jean Odgers of Ottley Brothers, est. 1877, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, hidden rot unresolved

“Bernard was interested throughout; the caller ended it by post, having established the panel's innocence and its quiet rot.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Jean Odgers Jean Odgers, Ottley Brothers, est. 1877. I'm ringing about your fence panel, so let's talk about your fence panel.
Bernard Well, hello there. Are you selling, or asking? Only I like to know which it is before I settle in. And what's the panel done wrong, then? It's been ever so good.
Jean Odgers Selling, Bernard, always selling, and the panel's done nothing wrong, that's rather the point. Our replacement's weatherproofed and backed by the 1877 family guarantee, which is a long time to guarantee anything.
Bernard Oh, 1877. That's older than my dad would be, if he were still about. Weatherproofed, you say? Mind you, does it come in green? Only the fence is green, and I'd not want a panel standing out.
Jean Odgers Green, yes, we can do green. And look, I'll be straight with you, your panel isn't broken. But there's hidden rot in there, and a panel like that weakens a lot faster than people expect.
Bernard Hidden rot. Oh dear. Well, I'd not know where to look for it, truthfully. Is it the sort of rot that comes with a smell, or is it the quiet kind?
Jean Odgers Quiet kind, mostly. Which is why I'd rather not leave it sitting there. So if you approve the order today, we can get this sorted before it becomes a whole fence conversation.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, Jean. I'm very interested, mind, but my head's all full of this box of nails in three sizes. I can't think why I've got three sizes and no idea what for.
Jean Odgers Right. I'll put it in writing instead, and you can read it when the nails have settled.
Bernard That's very good of you. Sorry you've had a wasted trip of a call, I really was interested, and you mind how you go now.
Jean Odgers I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by asking after the current fence panel and its condition.
  2. Explain the new panel's weatherproofing and the 1877 family guarantee backing it.
  3. Concede the panel isn't broken, then warn of hidden rot and future weakness.
  4. Ask Jean to approve the replacement panel order today.

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