Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #110 · 2026-10-22

Carol Vandeleur
of Pellow Garth Holdings

an upgrade to the airing cupboard you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 110: Carol Vandeleur of Pellow Garth Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no survey, no tea

“Caller withdrew on grounds of lost place and low charm; Bernard remained interested, and offered tea to a man who was never coming.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Carol Vandeleur Hello there! Carol Vandeleur, Pellow Garth Holdings — brilliant to catch you. I'm ringing about the airing cupboard you didn't know you had.
Bernard Oh, hello there, that's a nice surprise. I've put my glasses down somewhere, so you'll have to bear with me — say the first bit again? The cupboard, was it?
Carol Vandeleur Of course, no bother at all — brilliant, you're in the right place. What we're offering adds shelves, better airflow and a humidity tray to the cupboard you already own.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. A humidity tray — does that need feeding at all? And would it sit nicely on the top shelf, or does it want the bottom?
Carol Vandeleur Ha, you're a card! Anyway, it already works, I hear you, but there are improvements in there nobody's ever checked — all logged on our side.
Bernard Oh, I see, it's like the clock in the hall — always four minutes ahead of everyone and nobody's ever mentioned it. You were saying there were improvements logged somewhere?
Carol Vandeleur That's the one! So just to confirm — shall I book you in for the free survey of your undocumented cupboard? It's no bother at all, and I'll be quick.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it, but tell me — is the survey a fellow who comes to the door, or is it all done down the line? And would he want a cup of tea?
Carol Vandeleur A fellow at the door, tea entirely optional. Honestly, I've rather lost my place and my charm's running low today, so I'll put it all in writing and pop it through to you instead. Thanks ever so, goodbye now.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly. You take care now, and mind the traffic on your way home.
Carol Vandeleur I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the holder of the airing cupboard.
  2. Explain the upgrade adds shelves, airflow and a humidity shelf to the cupboard they already own.
  3. Address the objection: the cupboard needs no upgrade because it already works, by citing hidden improvements.
  4. Ask for the yes to book the free survey of their undocumented cupboard.

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