Call #108 · 2026-10-22
Janet Tulley
of Sithole, Quarmby and Thripp Gate Repair Partnership
a membership with no discounts and no refunds · membership
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no refund, no tea
“Caller blamed the line; the line, for its part, was in order throughout.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Janet Tulley
Janet Tulley, Sithole, Quarmby and Thripp Gate Repair Partnership. It's about a membership, and I'll be quick.
Bernard
Well, that's a lot of names to get through before breakfast. Sithole, Quarmby and — who was the third one? My hearing's grand, mind, it's just the way you said it.
Janet Tulley
You'd have caught it if I'd slowed down. Anyway, the membership itself is the thing — it confers standing, that's the whole offer, prestige and a certain quiet respect when your name comes up.
Bernard
Prestige. Right. And what does one do with it, exactly — does it sit on the mantelpiece, or is it more of a thing you mention at the bus stop?
Janet Tulley
You don't do anything with it, that's rather the point. I know what you're about to say — no benefits, no discounts — and yes, correct, there aren't any, and that's precisely what makes it standing rather than shopping.
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it, naturally. I've things in this house I've meant to see to since February and never have, and they've done me no harm at all.
Janet Tulley
Fine, but thinking costs you nothing and I get paid either way, so — can I put you down for the three-name commitment? It's a membership, no refunds, and that's all it is.
Bernard
No refunds — now, that's the bit I'd want to be sure of before I said yes to anything. Is there tea involved at any stage of this, or is it standing only?
Janet Tulley
Standing only, no tea, and the no-refunds part is the part I'd check twice as well.
Bernard
Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I was very interested, I really was — you've been grand company. Off you go, then, and mind the traffic.
Janet Tulley
I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by naming the partnership and its three names in full.
- Explain the prestige membership confers standing and nothing else.
- Address the objection that it offers no benefits or discounts.
- Ask for the three-name commitment, no refunds.
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