Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #104 · 2026-10-22

Rita Quist
of Tulley and Sons, est. 1861

a twice a year, whether or not gutter clearance that arrives unbidden · unbidden service

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no diary entry, no exit

“Bernard asked whether the unbidden clearance brings its own tea; the caller offered to escalate it to scheduling as a kindness instead.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rita Quist Hello there, this is Rita Quist from Tulley and Sons, est. 1861. We're noticing your gutters haven't been looked at this season, and we'd like to sort that.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Well, that's very good of you. Hang on, I'm in the cupboard under the stairs — the fuse box has a labelled spare, you see, and I keep meaning to check it. Now, gutters, you said?
Rita Quist No rush, take your time. Just to confirm, the twice-yearly unbidden clearance simply arrives as a courtesy — no appointment needed.
Bernard Unbidden, is it? That's the word I didn't catch. So it just turns up, does it, the clearance — like the man who reads the meter. Does it want a cup of tea when it arrives, or does it bring its own?
Rita Quist That's just how we've always worked, ever since 1861 — nobody has to ask, in our experience.
Bernard Eighteen sixty-one, well I never. That's older than my father's shed, and that's got a ladder in it with a rung missing. So nobody asks, you say — you just come. Do I need to be in, or can it let itself round the side?
Rita Quist Can I put the next visit in the diary for you? We're all of us on the floor here, and I can escalate it to the scheduling team as a kindness if that helps.
Bernard On the floor, are you? Well, mind your back, that's no good at your age. Yes, put it in the diary, that sounds lovely, only I'd have to think about it — what day is it today, do you know?
Rita Quist So shall I put you down for the first of the two visits, then?
Bernard Well, I'm very interested, I really am. Put me down for the second one, though — the first one, I'm at my sister's, or is it her turn to come here. No, it's mine. Anyway, yes, very interested.
Rita Quist Right. I'll let you get back to your afternoon. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by noting the gutters have not been looked at this season.
  2. Explain the twice-yearly unbidden clearance arrives as a courtesy.
  3. Dismiss the objection that nobody asked, because the firm has since 1861.
  4. Ask for the yes to put the next visit in the diary.

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