Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #101 · 2026-10-22

Lerato Faleolo
of The Ingleby Thorp Trust

an upgrade to a coal bunker you did not know you had · unknown upgrade

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 101: Lerato Faleolo of The Ingleby Thorp Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, line blamed, bird considered

“Caller cited eleven thousand repetitions and a faulty line; Bernard asked whether the bunker had a little door and whether the bird might like it.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Lerato Faleolo Lerato Faleolo, The Ingleby Thorp Trust. I'm calling about the coal bunker at your household — just confirming I've reached the right place.
Bernard Is it raining where you are? Only I've been watching the gutter out the back and it's doing that thing where it can't decide.
Lerato Faleolo Can't say I've looked. The trust is out there improving bunkers that people don't even know they own, so rain's not really my department.
Bernard Oh well, there's a lot of that about, things you never knew you had. Which bunker was it again? I've got a shed out back and the roof drips something chronic.
Lerato Faleolo Your coal bunker, that's the one. And not knowing you had it is precisely the point — that's why it needs seeing to.
Bernard I'd have to think about it. It might suit the bird, actually, she likes somewhere dark and quiet. Does it come with a little door?
Lerato Faleolo Honestly, this is round about the eleven thousandth time I've said this and it's still Tuesday. Can I just get the go-ahead to book it in this week?
Bernard Eleven thousand, you must be run off your feet. Is that eleven thousand this year or over the whole stretch? I always get it wrong, I said Tuesday for my sister's birthday and it was the Thursday.
Lerato Faleolo Look, I'm going to level with you, the line's gone all wrong and it's a rotten hour for it. I'll leave it there — no point pretending otherwise.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, and I was very interested, truly. You mind how you go now.
Lerato Faleolo I'll try again when the line's behaving. Good afternoon.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you've reached the household about their coal bunker.
  2. Explain the trust is upgrading bunkers nobody knew they owned.
  3. Concede not knowing you had one is exactly why the upgrade matters.
  4. Ask for the go-ahead to schedule the upgrade this week.

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