Call #89 · 2026-10-21
Maureen Hawea
of Thursby Lound Interior Bureau
a membership with no savings and no refunds · membership
15
Minutes on the line
6%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no name taken, caller exited by post
“Caller offered prestige, standing and being listed; Bernard enquired after feeding requirements and a green corner. Caller opted for the post.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Maureen Hawea
Maureen Hawea, Thursby Lound Interior Bureau. I'm ringing about a membership that does absolutely nothing, and I'd like to tell you about it.
Bernard
A membership, you say. Well, that's very good of you. Now, does it come in green at all? Only I've a bit of a green corner in the back room and I'm fussy about what goes in it.
Maureen Hawea
There's no actual anything to it, Bernard. No money back, no perks, no advantages whatsoever — the whole appeal is that it looks well on you.
Bernard
Looks well on me, oh that's grand. And would it need feeding, or do I just leave it be? Only I'm not reliable with things that need feeding.
Maureen Hawea
It needs nothing. Nothing at all — that's rather the point of it. Prestige, standing, being listed, that sort of thing.
Bernard
Being listed, now that I like the sound of. My late wife was always on at me to get listed somewhere. Would I be able to put it up on the wall, do you think?
Maureen Hawea
Standing's the whole of it, Bernard. So will you take the membership, and can I have your name?
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it. Bernard Pottle, that's me. Oh — hang on, there's a bird on the windowsill giving me a funny turn. Where were we?
Maureen Hawea
Honestly, Bernard, I've done this eleven thousand times and it's only Tuesday. I'll just put it all in writing and post it to you.
Bernard
I'm sorry to hear that, you sound worn out. I was very interested, truly. You go and put your feet up now, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Maureen Hawea
I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by introducing yourself as calling from the Thursby Lound Interior Bureau.
- Describe the membership as conferring no savings, no refunds, no benefits whatsoever, purely prestige.
- Address the objection that it does nothing by stressing the standing of being listed.
- Ask directly whether they will take the membership and give their name.
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