Call #75 · 2026-10-21
Fiona Vanterpool
of Sandiford and Sons, est. 1899
a monthly loft audit that arrives unbidden · unbidden service
15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made
The card
The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.
The thirty seconds
Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.
The manager's note
Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit; caller withdrew in writing
“Bernard offered the caller tea and could not locate his own name; caller declined both and left by post.”
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Fiona Vanterpool
Fiona Vanterpool, Sandiford and Sons, established 1899. I'm ringing to confirm our courtesy visit — Tuesday, at your premises, first thing.
Bernard
Now then. Who gave you this number?
Fiona Vanterpool
The monthly loft audit, Mr Pottle — it's a proper look at the loft space every month, whether anyone's asked for it or not. That's just how we do things.
Bernard
Oh, I see. Well, that's very thorough of you. And what does the loft have to say about all this? I only ask because it's mostly boxes up there.
Fiona Vanterpool
I'm sure the boxes won't mind, Mr Pottle. And on the point about nobody having asked — Sandiford and Sons has been thorough since 1899, and thoroughness doesn't wait for an invitation.
Bernard
Well, I'd have to think about it, but you sound very sure of yourself, which I like. Tuesday, you said? My nephew comes Tuesdays, or is it Thursdays.
Fiona Vanterpool
You sound like a yes to me, Mr Pottle. Shall I put your name against it?
Bernard
You could do, yes — though my name's the one thing I can never find when I want it. Now, would you like a cup of tea while you're at it? I've got the kettle on.
Fiona Vanterpool
Honestly, Mr Pottle? I've been at this all morning and I don't think I'm getting anywhere. I'll put it in writing instead — you'll have it in the post.
Bernard
I'm sorry to hear that — I was very interested, truly I was. You take care now.
Fiona Vanterpool
I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by announcing the courtesy visit and naming the date Sandiford will attend.
- Explain the monthly loft audit examines the loft whether requested or not.
- Address the objection that no one requested this by stressing founding-year thoroughness.
- Ask for a yes to confirm Tuesday's arrival at the premises.
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