Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #522 · 2026-11-05

Rhys Iyer
of Quillan Vale Holdings

a bundle of a manhole cover and a bag of gravel · bundle

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
12%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 522: Rhys Iyer of Quillan Vale Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller routed to colleague

“Bernard asked whether the gravel needed feeding and whether the cover came in green; caller lost his thread and handed the file to a colleague.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rhys Iyer Hello there, Rhys Iyer from Quillan Vale Holdings — brilliant to get you. I'm ringing because I have something rather special waiting for your household today.
Bernard Well, you're very clear, I'll say that for you. Quillan Vale, is it? I don't think I've heard of the place — is it near the coast? Only I've got the kettle on, so if you'd like to wait a moment while I find a clean mug.
Rhys Iyer Ha, that's a lovely bit of feedback. The arrangement is a manhole cover and a bag of gravel, and they come as one inseparable pair — you simply can't split them.
Bernard Oh, a pair, are they? Like a set of matching armchairs. And the gravel — does it need feeding, or does it just look after itself? Sorry, go on, you were saying about the cover again.
Rhys Iyer That's a great question, brilliant. Some folks say the cover and the gravel have nothing to do with each other, but I promise they're part of the same arrangement.
Bernard Well now, I did wonder about that. Mind you, I've a loft hatch that won't stay up, so I'm not one to judge a thing for looking odd. Would the gravel go up there, or is it more of a garden thing?
Rhys Iyer Sorry, I've gone a bit tangled. Just to confirm, will you take the bundle today?
Bernard Oh, well, I'd have to think about it. Before I said yes to anything I'd want to know if it comes in green — the cover, I mean. And what time's your last appointment? You don't want to be caught out on that road after dark.
Rhys Iyer Honestly, I've rather lost my thread here — I think a colleague of mine will have to deal with this one instead. Best of luck to them, and thank you.
Bernard Well, I'm sorry to hear that, I was very interested. You take care now, and mind how you go.
Rhys Iyer I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the right household, warmly.
  2. Present the manhole cover and gravel as one inseparable arrangement.
  3. Address the objection that the two things have nothing to do with each other.
  4. Ask outright whether they will take the bundle today.

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