Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #436 · 2026-11-02

Priya Mabbs
of Sithole Cavity Care Ltd

a membership with no newsletters and no cover · membership

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 436: Priya Mabbs of Sithole Cavity Care Ltd, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, caller lost place and left

“Caller cited policy four, nine and fourteen, then admitted the printout of the company's own history was doing nothing; Bernard asked whether the name would need feeding.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Priya Mabbs Hello, Priya Mabbs, Sithole Cavity Care Ltd. I'm checking I've reached the right household about the register, per policy note four.
Bernard Oh, hello there. Are you warm enough where you're sitting? Only it's turned chilly out, and I'd hate to think of you in a draughty office.
Priya Mabbs That's kind, but I'm not allowed to comment on office conditions, it's policy fourteen. The membership is prestige only, no newsletters and no cover, so really it's the name on the list that matters.
Bernard No newsletters, you say. So it's a bit like the notices pinned inside my porch — all very official and nothing to actually read. Do you have much call for that sort of thing?
Priya Mabbs I appreciate that, but there being nothing to receive is rather the point, it's prestige only. Sithole Cavity Care Ltd is clear on that in note nine.
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. Now, would it come in a colour, or is that not the done thing? I only ask because my front room's got a lot of beige in it.
Priya Mabbs I'll be quick, then. Nothing arrives, nothing's sent, and the register just carries your name. So may I put you down as a yes?
Bernard Oh, you're very good at this. But what does the name actually do, sitting there? Does it need feeding?
Priya Mabbs Honestly, I've lost my place in this and I've still got the printout of the company's own history sitting in front of me doing nothing. I'll ring you back another day, Bernard.
Bernard Oh, I'm sorry to hear that — and I was very interested, truly. You go on then, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Priya Mabbs I'll ring you back another day. Bye now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached Sithole Cavity Care Ltd about the register.
  2. Describe the membership as prestige only, with no newsletters and no cover.
  3. Dismiss the objection that there is nothing to receive from joining.
  4. Ask directly for the yes to enrol in the prestige membership.

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