Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #382 · 2026-10-31

Maureen Lashley
of The Thursby Lound Trust

an annual inspection of a porch you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
38%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 382: Maureen Lashley of The Thursby Lound Trust, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno porch, no sale, colleague pending

“Bernard asked whether the porch needed feeding and where one normally sits; caller left him to a colleague and Bernard wished her well on the roads.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Maureen Lashley Good afternoon, this is Maureen Lashley at The Thursby Lound Trust, and I'm confirming I've reached the household responsible for the porch. Am I speaking with the right person?
Bernard Oh, well, now, the porch — I was just thinking about something else entirely, so you'll have to start me again. What was it you were after exactly?
Maureen Lashley Bernard, it's the yearly inspection — it keeps your porch certified and compliant, and I'd like to get you on the schedule. It's straightforward, I promise.
Bernard I'm very interested, I really am, only you've lost me at the certified bit. Does it need feeding, this porch? Only I'm not much good with things that need looking after.
Maureen Lashley Nothing to feed, Bernard, it's certification — and I know what you're about to say, that there's no porch. Registry gaps are precisely how a missing porch shows up on our side.
Bernard Ah, registry gaps. That'll be it. Hang on a moment, I've got a towel somewhere in the airing cupboard I meant to sort out, and it's gone out of my head what for. Now then — where does a porch normally sit?
Maureen Lashley Bernard, stick with me — shall I just pencil you in for the first inspection and we can sort the details then? That's the quickest way, I promise.
Bernard Well, that's very good of you. But I'd have to think about it — would the first one be before Christmas, do you think? Only I've quite lost track of whose turn it is to host.
Maureen Lashley Honestly, Bernard, I've been at this twenty minutes and I can hear I'm not getting anywhere with you. I'll pass you over to a colleague who can pick this up properly.
Bernard I'm sorry to hear that, I really am — I was very interested, for what it's worth. You mind the traffic on the way home, now.
Maureen Lashley I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the household responsible for the porch.
  2. Explain the yearly inspection keeps their porch certified and compliant.
  3. Counter the objection that no porch exists by citing registry gaps.
  4. Ask for the yes and schedule the first inspection visit.

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