Call #270 · on the line
Priya Vanterpool
of Prosser, Cresswell and Rossiter Glazing Partnership
an upgrade to a gatepost you did not know you had · unknown upgrade
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Priya Vanterpool
Hello, sorry to bother you — my name's Priya Vanterpool, from Prosser, Cresswell and Rossiter Glazing Partnership. I'm ringing about the gatepost on your boundary, if that's all right?
Bernard
Well, hello there. Priya, is it? That's a lovely name. The gatepost, you say — I'd have to go and have a look, I don't get down that end of the garden much. What is it you're wanting to do with it?
Priya Vanterpool
That's ever so kind, thank you. Well, it's an upgrade to a gatepost you didn't know you had — we're offering the Partnership's suggested specification, and I'll be quick because I know you weren't expecting me.
Bernard
An upgrade to a post I didn't know about. Well, now, that's a thought. Would it need anything doing to it, or does it sort of upgrade itself? And is it a tall one?
Priya Vanterpool
It doesn't do anything on its own, no — sorry, that was a silly way to put it. The team would visit and improve the specification, and I'm told it's a tall one, though I'll confess I've never actually seen a photograph.
Bernard
Never seen a photograph? Well, that's reassuring in a funny sort of way. I've got notices pinned up in the porch, you know, and I've never spotted a gatepost on them. Mind you, my eyes aren't what they were.
Priya Vanterpool
No, that's ever such a fair point — people often say they've never noticed one, and honestly I'd be the same. It's on the boundary, so it's easy to miss, but it's there on our side of things, if that helps.
Bernard
On your side of things, so I can't keep an eye on it. Now this improvement of yours — how long would it take, the doing of it? I've got all the time in the world, mind.
Priya Vanterpool
I really don't know how long the work would take, sorry — that's not in my notes. Could I just get a yes from you today so the team can look into it properly?
Bernard
Oh, you're very good to ask. I'd want to say yes, I really would, but I'd have to think on it. And it's not something I could sign up to, not properly, you understand.
Priya Vanterpool
I'll get someone else to ring you. Goodbye.
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by confirming the gatepost exists on their glazing partnership's boundary.
- Explain the upgrade to a gatepost they did not know they owned.
- Address the objection that no such gatepost has ever been noticed.
- Ask for the yes to upgrade the gatepost's specification today.