Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #25 · 2026-10-19

Gareth PlumWell
of Netherby Hearth & Threshold Services

a loft ladder for a bungalow · structural elevation

24
Minutes on the line
41%
Will to live
10
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno loft, no ladder, no decision

“Caller offered a ladder for a bungalow without a loft; customer asked whether it required feeding and whether it came in green.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Gareth PlumWell Good afternoon, this is Gareth PlumWell from Netherby Hearth & Threshold Services — just to confirm, is this the household with the bungalow and no loft?
Bernard Oh — hello! Yes, that's us. Well, that's me. No loft at all, I've looked. Mind you, the way you say Netherby, is that Netherby the place or Netherby the — I had an aunt in a Netherby somewhere. Lovely woman. Now, what was it you were after?
Gareth PlumWell Lovely to hear it, Bernard — now the great news is the ladder itself is fully installed and folding, and very sturdy indeed. It folds away neatly so it's quite out of sight.
Bernard Folding, you say. That's very good of you. Now — would it need feeding, do you think? Only I've got Mavis, and she's particular about new things in the house. She's a parrot. She's warming to the radio, but the ladder might be a step too far.
Gareth PlumWell Ha — no feeding required, I promise. And really, the safety of never needing to climb it at all is the best part; it's all about having it, not using it.
Bernard Well, that's a relief, because my knees and ladders have never really seen eye to eye. Never needing to climb it — that's my kind of safety. Now, would it be all right in a bungalow, do you think? Only that's what we've got. Or had, before the ladder.
Gareth PlumWell That's exactly the point, Bernard — perfectly suited to a bungalow. And great news, we do offer a maintenance plan, so the ladder gets its annual inspection and stays in fine shape without you lifting a finger.
Bernard Annual inspection — very sensible. Do they come on a Tuesday? Only Tuesdays I'm at the garden club, and I'd hate to miss them. Oh — and it's my sister who hosts Christmas, not me. I always get that wrong. What was the plan called again?
Gareth PlumWell The maintenance plan, Bernard — we'll work around your Tuesdays, no trouble at all. So, just to confirm, which ceiling would you like it fixed to?
Bernard Oh, now you've put me on the spot. The hall ceiling, I'd say — it's the one I see most. Though the kitchen one's got a nice bit of light in the afternoon. Could it go in the kitchen and just... visit the hall? And would it come in green at all?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming the household has a bungalow and no loft.
  2. Explain the ladder is fully installed, folding, and very sturdy.
  3. Praise the safety of never needing to climb it.
  4. Offer a maintenance plan for the ladder's annual inspection.
  5. Close by asking which ceiling they'd like it fixed to.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →