Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #203 · 2026-10-25

Rita Achebe
of Quillan Vale Holdings

an annual inspection of a coal bunker you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
9%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 203: Rita Achebe of Quillan Vale Holdings, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, no exit

“Caller ended the call himself; Bernard was still interested, still thinking about it, and still asking where the bird should go.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Rita Achebe Hello, Rita Achebe here from Quillan Vale Holdings, about your annual coal bunker inspection. Have I got the right person?
Bernard Oh, hello there — have you had your lunch? Sorry, you'll have to bear with me, I'm a bit slow on the uptake these days. Now, coal bunker, you said?
Rita Achebe Lunch was lovely, thanks for asking. The annual inspection covers those assets you've never used, which is great news.
Bernard Assets I've never used, well that's very good of you. Would it be all right in a bungalow, do you think? Only I've never had a coal bunker and I'm not sure it'd get on with the bird.
Rita Achebe Ha, brilliant point. If the bunker can't be found, we can sort a site search, no trouble at all.
Bernard A site search, now that's thorough. Would that be the garden or indoors? Only the gate down by the road sticks something dreadful in wet weather, so you'd have a job getting anything through it.
Rita Achebe Ha, that's a wonderful bit of feedback, thank you. Shall we say this year's inspection date, then, and we can get it booked in?
Bernard Well, I'd have to think about it. I'm very interested, mind — now what was it again, the yearly whatsit? And would I need to put the bird somewhere quieter while you're at it?
Rita Achebe The yearly inspection, that's it, and the bird's completely fine. So just to confirm, shall we book this year's date?
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you. You know what, I'm sorry to hear you've given up on it, and I really was interested. You go on then, and mind the traffic on the way home.
Rita Achebe Forget it. I'm putting the phone down now.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming you have reached the right holdings company contact.
  2. Explain the annual coal bunker inspection covers assets you have never used.
  3. Address that the bunker cannot be located by offering a site search.
  4. Ask for the yes on booking this year's inspection date.

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