Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #19 · 2026-10-19

Roger Trimley
of Barrowdean Household Adaptations

a self-closing cat flap for a house with no cat · domestic security retrofit

27
Minutes on the line
34%
Will to live
12
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no cat, four beiges discussed

“Caller answered the no-cat requirement with relief, then asked whether the flap would want feeding.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Roger Trimley Hello there, this is Roger Trimley calling from Barrowdean Household Adaptations. Sorry to trouble you — I'll be quick.
Bernard Oh, hello! No trouble at all — you're the first person to ring me since Tuesday, and that was the man about the gutters. Roger, did you say? I've got a cousin Roger. Well — now, what's this adaptation business when it's at home?
Roger Trimley Well, Roger, that's very good of you — and no, I'm not your cousin, I'm afraid. I'll be quick: have you noticed any unwanted draughts at floor level, the sort that sneak in around the skirting?
Bernard Draughts — oh, I know all about those. There's a little one by the back door that Mavis sits in front of, and she fluffs up like a duster. She's my parrot. Do you have a parrot, Roger?
Roger Trimley No parrot here, I'm afraid. Now, the reason for my call is our self-closing cat flap — it has a two-stage seal, so it shuts on the first bounce and seals tight on the second.
Bernard A self-closing cat flap. Well, I'd have to think about that. Two-stage, you said — does that mean it hesitates, like? Only I've got a door that does that and I have to give it a good shove.
Roger Trimley That's a fair question. But I should reassure you — no cat is required for full operation, not one bit; the flap works entirely on its own springs and seals.
Bernard No cat needed. Well, that's a relief, because Mavis would have something to say about a cat. What springs are they — and would it want feeding, do you think?
Roger Trimley No feeding, no walks, nothing like that — it just sits there keeping the draught out. And the badge frame comes in four beiges, so it'll blend in nicely with most skirting.
Bernard Four beiges! Now that's a choice and a half. Is there one of them more of a creamy one? Only my hall is what I'd call a warm cream.
Roger Trimley I'd say the second beige is the creamy one, yes. So with that settled, would it be all right if I pencilled you in for a survey?
Bernard Pencilled in — well, I'd have to think about it, Roger. Has the second beige got a name? Only I don't want to be saying "the creamy one" to the survey man and him not knowing.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and Barrowdean Household Adaptations.
  2. Ask if they've noticed unwanted draughts at floor level.
  3. Describe the self-closing cat flap with two-stage seal.
  4. Reassure that no cat is required for full operation.
  5. Mention the badge frame is available in four beiges.
  6. Ask permission to pencil them in for a survey.

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