Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #148 · 2026-10-23

Lerato Onions
of The Association of Back Step Assessors

a replacement for a clothesline that is not broken · needless replacement

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
11%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

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Share card for call 148: Lerato Onions of The Association of Back Step Assessors, 15 minutes.

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The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

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The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no objection, line dead

“Bernard asked whether fresh cord would need feeding; the caller asked for a yes on the scheduling and then reported losing the signal.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Lerato Onions Lerato Onions, The Association of Back Step Assessors. Your clothesline is unbroken, and policy forty-one says an unbroken line gets replaced.
Bernard Oh, well, now, I don't know about the back step — is that the one with the funny hinge? Because I've got a front door and a back door and I'm never sure which is which. Anyway, come in, come in. What was it about a linoleum?
Lerato Onions A clothesline, Bernard, not linoleum — policy forty-one, sub-clause two, is quite clear that the back step assessment applies to the rear elevation only. The replacement upgrade is really the point here: same block, fresh cord, and it's the newest fitting the Association stocks.
Bernard Fresh cord, you say. Well, that's very good of you. Would it need feeding, do you think, or does it look after itself? I only ask because the bird in the front room has opinions.
Lerato Onions Even with your fitting working fine, there's no rush at all, though our upgrade diary does fill up quickly this quarter. Shall I pencil you in for the scheduling visit?
Bernard No rush, then, that's a comfort. Let me just find the phone book — corner's folded down at the plumbers, silly really. What was I writing in it, and in which colour?
Lerato Onions Blue, Bernard, the plumbers are folded in blue — and honestly, I've said all this twice now. I just need a yes on the scheduling.
Bernard Blue, yes. Now, would this visit of yours be in the morning or the afternoon? I only ask so I can have the place tidy.
Lerato Onions Morning or afternoon, it's a two-hour window and the assessor brings the pen. Policy nine, Bernard, second page — so is that a yes on the scheduling?
Bernard A two-hour window and a pen, well. That's the first thing all day that hasn't been a confusion to me. You have been very patient with an old fellow.
Lerato Onions Hello? I'm losing you. Hello?

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Introduce yourself and the Association of Back Step Assessors.
  2. Pitch the replacement clothesline as an upgrade for an unbroken line.
  3. Address objections: the current line works fine, so no urgency.
  4. Ask for the yes on scheduling the replacement assessment visit.

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