Bernard Pottle The Minutes Wasted Line Line idle

Call #138 · 2026-10-23

Wendy Colesworth
of The Association of Licensed Airing Cupboard Examiners

an annual inspection of a drain you have never used · inspection

In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.

15
Minutes on the line
22%
Will to live
11
Lines spoken
0
Sales made

The card

The whole call in one image, made for sharing. Right-click or long-press to save it, or use the link.

Share card for call 138: Wendy Colesworth of The Association of Licensed Airing Cupboard Examiners, 15 minutes.

Save the card

The thirty seconds

Voiced, vertical, and ready to post. Two fictional voices; every person and company is invented.

Download the clip (MP4, vertical) · Caption to paste

The manager's note

Verdictno sale, no drain located, caller withdrew to post

“Bernard offered the kettle and warned about the bird; Wendy offered policy twelve C and lost her place in the list.”

The call

Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.

Wendy Colesworth Hello, this is Wendy Colesworth from The Association of Licensed Airing Cupboard Examiners. I'm calling to confirm you have a drain on the property, whether or not it's ever been used.
Bernard Well, hello there Wendy, that's lovely. Before we start, is this the one about the gutters? Only I had a man out about the gutters in the spring, or was it the autumn — no, it was the spring, I'm sure of it.
Wendy Colesworth Oh, it's not gutters, no — and I should say, per policy forty-one B, gutter work falls well outside our remit. Now, the annual inspection covers a drain on your property you've never used, which is exactly the sort of drain people forget about.
Bernard A drain I've never used. Well, I'd have to think about that. There's a ladder in the shed with a rung missing, so I don't go climbing about much these days. What was the word again — a drain, you said?
Wendy Colesworth Yes, a drain — and I do understand, but if you can't locate it, I'm happy to say that locating it is part of the service, so you needn't go up any ladders at all. That's policy twelve C, if I'm reading the sheet right.
Bernard Oh, that's very good of you, finding it for me. Now, would you want to come in and have a look, or is it done from the road? Only I'd put the kettle on, and the bird gets a bit excitable with visitors.
Wendy Colesworth It's mostly done on site, so no need to worry about the bird — although I'll be quick, because I've rather lost my place in the list. Just to confirm, can I put you down as a yes to schedule this year's inspection of the unused drain?
Bernard Well now, I'm very interested, I really am. But I've got to find my reading glasses before I say yes to anything — I put them down somewhere. Is it this year's inspection we're on, or was it last year's we missed?
Wendy Colesworth This year's, definitely this year's — I've got the sheet right here and the earlier entry is struck through. Can I just put you down as a yes to schedule this year's inspection of the unused drain?
Bernard You know, I had a look at that drain once, years ago, though I couldn't tell you where it was. Just the one firm yes, is that right, on the phone? My daughter usually looks at this sort of thing for me.
Wendy Colesworth I'll send it in the post instead. Save us both the trouble. Goodbye.

What the script said

The beats the caller had to get through.

  1. Open by confirming they have a drain on the property, used or not.
  2. Explain the annual inspection covers a drain they have never used.
  3. Address the objection that they cannot locate the drain by offering to find it.
  4. Ask for the yes to schedule this year's inspection of the unused drain.

Leaderboard · All calls · ← previous · next →