Call #122 · on the line
Stuart Harkness
of The National Council of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors
a annual porch inspection that arrives unbidden · unbidden service
In real life: hang up. Every call here is fiction, played by machines. A real one wants a single thing: for you to stay on the line. Put the phone down.
The call
Oldest line at the top; it reads downward like a script.
Stuart Harkness
Hello there, this is Stuart Harkness from The National Council of Registered Loft Hatch Inspectors, and I'm delighted to say you're due your annual porch inspection.
Bernard
Oh, is that what it is. I was all set for the gutters, you see. Well, a porch inspection, that's very good of you. Now, does it need me to be in, or does it just sort of happen?
What the script said
The beats the caller had to get through.
- Open by announcing the annual porch inspection you are due to receive.
- Explain the inspection arrives unbidden as a courtesy, no booking required.
- Address the objection that nobody asked for it: that is precisely the point.
- Ask them to confirm the porch is accessible on the day we choose.